Friday, March 02, 2007
Three Months On
My sister is down for a visit from interstate, and I have been trying to explain to her how I have been feeling now that Sheena is well and happy. It took me ages to work out how to articulate it. I am constantly amazed at every little smile, and I regularly say to Hubby, 'can you believe how sick she was?' It isn't post-traumatic shock, because it is a positive feeling, but I think that I went on auto-pilot while she was so poorly, and didn't fully recognise how baaaad she was. It was too desperate to fully acknowledge it. Anyway, after regularly trying to get Aunty Christy to praise Sheena, by saying, Isn't she great now, and Isn't she cute now etc etc, I eventually worked out how to explain my feelings. Extreme RELIEF. I was so terrified when she was sick, that it was that for life. Some kids don't recover from what she had. They either don't make it, or don't develop. As I said, it was literally terrifying. I know that my mum knows exactly how I feel, as she was with Sheena and I when she was at her worst. She completely agrees with me, that the feeling is relief. I wonder when this will pass, but it is only 3 months on.